Johnnie and June Page 6

  She nodded and scrubbed at her face. “I can try.”

  “You can start by getting out of the house more. I can go with you so you don’t feel alone and scared.”

  “Okay.”

  He pushed her hair out of her face. “And maybe we can look into self-defense classes. There must be something nearby you can do.”

  “That sounds like a good idea.”

  “At the very least, he can’t touch you again if you know what to do to defend yourself.”

  The idea of Alex touching her ever again sent butterflies skittering through her belly. If she knew how to stop him, she’d feel stronger. “You’re right.”

  “Better?”

  Shea tilted her head to meet his gaze. “Yeah, I guess so. Having a plan eases the fear.”

  He stood and pulled her with him, holding her in his arms and kissing her on the head. “Did you eat?”

  “Yeah, I had a bag of popcorn.”

  He groaned. “That’s it?”

  She chuckled. “It was enough. I’m full.”

  “Unbelievable.” Holding her hand, he drew her into the living room with him. “Lillie asked about you. She says she’s going to drop in at the bar one night so she can meet you.”

  Shea groaned. “Do I have to?”

  He sat on the couch, and she plopped down next to him. “Yes. She’s nice, and you’re her employee. She wants to meet you.”

  “I get it, I do. It’s my own hangup. I’m sure she’s lovely.”

  He snorted. “Don’t ever tell her that.”

  She frowned. “What? That she’s lovely?”

  “Yeah, she won’t like that. She’s a hardass, that’s what you can tell her to make her like you.”

  She dropped her head on the back of the couch. “For crying out loud.”

  “I’m teasing, but it wouldn’t hurt.”

  She elbowed him in the side. “Great, make fun of me.”

  “Never. Now, what are we going to do for the rest of the evening?”

  “I don’t know. Now that I’m used to being up so late at work, it’s hard to settle down early.”

  “I understand completely. We can always see what’s on TV.”

  “Sure.”

  She made an effort to watch what was on television. She didn’t want to solve everything with sex, but it always made her feel so much better. She wondered if there was something wrong with her. Scared of her own shadow and a sex fiend; that was her in a nutshell.

  “What are you frowning for? I can change the channel.”

  His words brought her out of her thoughts. “I was in my head.”

  “Well, quit. I can tell from here you’re thinking bad things about yourself.”

  “How the hell do you know that?”

  “Because you get this crease between your brows.” He ran the tip of his finger down the spot he referred to, and she shivered.

  Why that should turn her on, she had no idea, but she’d promised herself not to jump him every single day. Just because he was there didn’t make it right.

  “You’re doing it again,” he murmured.

  “You’re right. Let’s pick something more interesting that’ll hold my attention.”

  He laughed at that. “Sorry that my tastes are too boring for you.”

  “There’s nothing boring about you, Milo. Nothing at all.”

  “Oh, yeah? I swear you just yawned.”

  “I did not!” At the gleam in his eye, she elbowed him again. “You just like to pick on me.”

  “Maybe I do.”

  “Milo,” she mumbled. “I want you to know, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

  He faced her, cupping her cheeks. “I know you do, Shea.”

  “It could easily be a situation with me taking advantage of you, and I don’t want to do that. If I could pay you back for all your generosity somehow, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

  “I want you to be happy, Shea. Do a good job for me at Carter’s and find your way back to happiness. That’s all I need from you.”

  “You’re too good to me.” Tears filled her eyes and she tried to blink them back. “I don’t deserve it.”

  He swiped at her tears with his thumbs. “Sure you do.” He kissed her nose. “You deserve a lot more than I can give you.”

  She held her breath, watching him for any sign of what he would do next. He searched her eyes before leaning in closer than before and slanting his mouth over hers. He gave her tenderness, a gentle reminder of his nature. She liked that side of him as much as she liked the side that was rough during sex. He had a duality about him that intrigued her very much.

  “Your lips are so soft, Shea,” he whispered against her mouth and went back for another kiss. She tangled her fingers in his hair and let herself feel only him. She could drown out the world when she was in his arms, and if he didn’t object, she shouldn’t either.

  She shifted until she was straddling him, feeling the bulge in his pants answering the call. They fit together, it was as simple as that. He smoothed out her jagged edges, making her feel shiny and new again. Thoughts of what she could possibly bring to the table were ruthlessly pushed aside.

  With urgency, he wrapped his arms around her and stood. She gripped his hips with her legs to keep herself up while he walked them to the bedroom. She slid down his body when he came to a stop and looked up into his hungry eyes. This she understood. This she could give him. When he peeled her clothing off slowly, piece by piece, she waited patiently for him to do what he wanted with her. He laid her out on the bed, bare and spreadeagle, and kneeled to taste her.

  Her initial cry was one of shock. Milo had a hidden talent she was lucky to discover—an amazingly long and talented tongue. She grasped at the bedspread as he put his mouth on her, clenching her muscles at the onslaught of pleasure so acute as to almost be pain. He held her thighs down and open for him as she chanted his name, as she trembled and quaked on his bed.

  “Oh fuck!” She couldn’t remember ever coming as hard before, not even with him.

  He rose, yanking off layers and tossing them aside. Her clit throbbed anew at the way he looked down at her, ready to devour her whole. He pulled her legs up and slammed home, squeezing his eyes shut and setting a brutal pace.

  “Take it, take it, take it,” he panted as he thrust again and again.

  Shea held on for the ride, messing up everything on the bed in the process but not giving a damn. When they fucked, Milo unleashed something he kept tightly reined the rest of the time.

  She loved it.

  When he groaned long and hard, stilling with their bodies flush together, she knew he’d found his orgasm.

  “Good Lord,” she mumbled.

  He opened his eyes and grinned down at her, offering her a hand to help her up. “Thank you, and good night.”

  She smirked at his playfulness. “No, thank you.”

  Chapter Ten

  Shea found a self-defense class in nearby Hillsboro, immediately signing up for the next available course. She couldn’t wait for it to begin, but there was more anticipation than she could have expected. She wanted to do more than simply wait for the class to begin, so she started by going out with Milo to the store and then she went to work alone. She even promised to get together with Milo’s friends as he’d been asking her to do.

  It scared her to think about meeting with all these people she didn’t know, but she was tired of hiding out like a coward. Milo couldn’t put his life on hold because he’d picked up a stray that was afraid of her own shadow.

  “Do I need to bring anything with me to the barbecue this weekend?” she asked while she made them dinner.

  “No, it’s okay. I’ll bring some drinks and cups, since that’s about all I can fit in the saddlebags.”

  She paced the kitchen. “Are you sure? Because I don’t want to show up empty-handed when I’ve never met these people before. I should make something. I can bake, you know. A pie!” she shouted, turning to find him dir
ectly behind her.

  “Calm down, for crying out loud.” He rested his hands on her shoulders.

  “I can’t calm down! I need them to like me, Milo.”

  “Why does it bother you so much? They’ll like you regardless, I promise. You’re likeable, they’re nice people; don’t worry.”

  “I have to worry. I have nothing else right now but worry. My life is up in the air, and all I have right now is you and the bar. I’m trying to branch out, and if they don’t like me, there will be no branching.”

  “That makes a bit of sense, but you have to calm down, Shea. They aren’t judgy people, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll feel better.”

  “I don’t know if I can agree with you. I guess we’ll see when we get there, but for now I’ll withhold judgement. Maybe they’re the best people in the world and they’ll love me, but maybe they won’t.”

  “And we’ll deal with it when the time comes. Remember, no worrying about the future and what we can’t control.”

  She sighed. “I’m trying to remember that.”

  It was easier the more time passed. It was even easier once the classes started and she not only learned a few things, but she was getting in exercise, too. Her mind was clearer without so much to worry about, she was sleeping better with Milo in the bed with her, and because of her newfound peace of mind. She was stronger, and she felt it when she joined him at the barbecue.

  “Breathe,” he reminded her as they stood outside Fletcher and Lillie’s house.

  “I am,” she assured him. And she was, but she was still nervous. She hadn’t become a new person overnight.

  “Milo!” Lillie opened the door with a shout and hugged him.

  “Hey, Lil.” He hugged her back and then stepped away. “This is Shea.”

  “Hi, Lillie, it’s nice to meet you.”

  Lillie’s pierced brow went up. “We’ll see if you still think that by the end of the night.”

  Shea stuttered over her response. “I-I just, I wanted to be—”

  Lillie held up a hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you nervous. I just meant that maybe you’ll think I’m completely nuts and it wasn’t nice to meet me at all.” She gestured to the door. “Come in, come in.”

  Milo winked at Shea behind Lillie’s back, but she could only manage a small smile. She’d already fucked things up and they were only five feet in the door.

  “Here’s Fletch.” They found him standing in the kitchen with two toddlers hanging off him. “Fletch, this is Shea, the newest bartender.”

  He smiled warmly. “Hi, there.”

  Shea immediately liked him. Any man who was willing to let his kids dangle from his arms without complaint was a good guy in her book.

  There were other people there already; she spotted Cooper standing with a tall guy and a football player type, and there were two heavily tattooed women standing by the stereo where Lillie had wandered off.

  “You just moved to town, right?” Fletcher asked.

  She nodded. “Yeah, um, I guess it’s been two months now. Milo hired me three weeks ago.”

  “Where are you from?”

  Shea watched the little boy drop from his dad’s arm and run off, and she swallowed hard before answering the question. “Minnesota.”

  Milo’s forehead wrinkled. “All I had to do was ask, huh?”

  She smirked. “You never did.”

  “I didn’t think you wanted me to pry.”

  She looked back at Fletcher. “I was a stockbroker, and I was damn good at it.”

  They both stared at her.

  “Ah, what made you want to come to Abbott and tend bar?” Fletch asked.

  “That’s a story I’d rather not tell yet, if that’s okay with you. It doesn’t have a happy ending, but I’m getting there.”

  “That’s fair.” He lowered his arm and picked up the little girl. “This is Lucy. Lucy, this is Shea.”

  Lucy stuck her fingers in her mouth and stared at Shea.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Lucy.” She didn’t get a response, but she hadn’t expected one, anyway.

  “Let me introduce you to everyone else,” Milo said.

  She wasn’t ready for this, not really, but she took a deep breath and tried to put on a genuine smile. He introduced Hannah, who giggled a lot, her husband Owen, who had gorgeous blond hair, and Stella, who was built like a brick house. Her husband was the guy that looked like he should be playing football, and Shea was enamored to discover he stayed home with his son.

  “Luke is a great dad, and he has more patience than I do,” Stella said.

  Luke grinned, showing dimples. “It helps that Kyle is a good kid.”

  “You’re not biased at all,” Milo teased.

  “Of course not.”

  “I can’t help but notice you don’t have any ink,” Hannah said to Shea.

  “No, I don’t have a single tattoo.” She perused the black and white tattoos visible around Hannah’s clothing. “Maybe I should stop in your place once I’ve got some money put aside.”

  Hannah smiled winningly. “The first tat is always free for any employee.”

  Shea squinted. “Are you making that up?”

  “What can I say? I can’t resist a fresh, virgin canvas.” She winked.

  Shea’s face was flaming. “That’s good to know.”

  “Hand to God, first one is on the house. Just ask Milo.”

  Shea couldn’t say why she had a sudden surge of jealousy. She’d heard Hannah and Owen’s story, she knew they had two kids and were madly in love. It wasn’t as if Hannah had ever harbored feelings for Milo—that was reserved for Lillie, anyway—but she hated the idea of another woman’s hands on his skin.

  She’d noticed the small Bandidos logo on his upper arm, but she’d also seen the eagle in mid-flight that adorned his shoulder blades and a good portion of his upper back. It wasn’t exactly subtle. To her, the logo was because he felt as if he had to while the eagle represented his true self.

  “I bet one of the ladies could cover that logo for you, if you wanted them to,” she said quietly.

  He frowned, and she wondered if she’d crossed some unspoken boundary. Turning to Hannah, she made conversation instead of drowning in miserable silence.

  “I love that all your tattoos are in black and white.”

  “Oh, it was a choice I made after about my third. I realized I preferred the aesthetic of them since I kept picking them.”

  “And your skater dress is great. You’ll have to tell me where you shop.”

  Oh, yes, she and Hannah could get along just fine. If she kept her talking, they might even become friends before too long. Shea was intimidated by Lillie as much then as she was before she met her, but she figured it was the acerbic tongue and absolute knowledge of who she was as a person. Shea pretended not to notice when Lillie snuck up behind Fletcher and squeezed his ass. They engaged in tonsil hockey for a few seconds while Shea tried to look anywhere but where she knew they were standing. It was such an intimate display of affection between two people clearly in love.

  She caught Milo’s gaze and quickly glanced away, unable to discern his expression. He looked almost as if he wanted to jump her ass right there, but she didn’t peg him as the public display of affection type of guy. But it was such an intense look that she had to look down.

  He made her feel things inside that she was positive she’d never felt before. She had been with men before Alex, and thought that she’d even had love, but this was something else entirely. This was an intense friendship that made her want to sink into his side and never leave. She knew she could confide in him and he would make her feel safe. He never ridiculed her when she was feeling overwhelmed and out of her element. He supported her so much with everything she was trying to do and the way she was rebuilding her life.

  It occurred to her with a sort of slap to the head that she was falling in love with Milo. She might even be all the way there. She swallowed the lump in her
throat and headed for the back door.

  She walked all the way to the fence before turning back to face the yard, heading to the side of the house and staring at the swing set. She was in love with Milo, and he was in there all innocent and unknowing. He had no idea this was what she was feeling, and she couldn’t tell him. She would wreck everything he was building in his life. He didn’t want her, a woman who was falling apart at the seams and always on the verge of a mental breakdown. He deserved someone who knew what she wanted, someone similar to Lillian. Shea was the exact opposite of Lillian King.

  She didn’t know what she was going to do about her newfound feelings. She thought breathing in the clean outdoor air would be enough to clear her head, but that was foolish. She plastered a bright smile on her face when Stella came out the back door. Shea admired her painted on jeans and oversized, off the shoulder sweatshirt. She needed to get a personal style of her own instead of envying Stella and Hannah. It had been years since she’d worn anything but baggy jeans and t-shirts.

  “How are you handling today?”

  Shea frowned. “I’m okay, I suppose. Meeting new people is a scary thing these days.”

  “Why is that?” Stella sat in the nearest lawn chair to Shea.

  “I let someone close to me abuse my trust. I left to start over, to find the person I used to be before that happened.”

  “That’s admirable, Shea.”

  Shea snorted. “It doesn’t much feel like it is.”

  “Well, from where I’m sitting, you’re a great person. Milo hasn’t stopped talking about you since he met you.”

  “Oh?” She tried to sound nonchalant. “I had no idea.”

  “Yep, and he’s never done that before. Even when he tried to date Lillie, he never went on and on about her the way he does you.”

  “It’s sort of crazy to think of the two of them together.”

  Stella laughed. “It was awful in the funniest way. They had no chemistry whatsoever. They were more like siblings which is why they’re still friends now.”

  “I can picture it, honestly.” Shea giggled. “They would never make sense as a couple.”

  “No, there’s no way.”

  Shea thought about that. Would she and Milo ever work out? Could she be the one who could make him happy in the long run, or would she drag him down? She had no idea, and she was afraid to find out. But hopefully one day soon, she wouldn’t be afraid to take that chance.